It still bothers me. That feeling never went away. 

It’s almost ridiculous how lost I feel when I’m not with Jeff. And how he is pretty much my other half. I really don’t know what I’d do without him.

I’m not girlfriend material. I’m nothing material. I’m just a weird, awkward human.

I just spent several minutes rolling around on my bed, stretching in every kind of position to get that “full stretch” feeling I need when I wake up in the morning.

I wish someone would just tell me everything will be alright.

I want to light my bed on fire and lay in it. 

I pull out my hair when I’m stressed out. 

I feel like a waste of space, conversation, love, meaning and hope. A waste of it all. Most of us find a way to make something out of ourselves and are able build up into something beautiful and strong. I tear myself down everyday. And I didn’t realize how deep the hole I was digging had become. I really wish I could start over. I don’t want to start over now, living my whole life trying to catch up, telling myself I’ll get there someday. I’m meeting the lowest of all expectations. Barely getting better by the day. Hardly finding the efforts I once gave. 

I stay up late at night

because there’s something so bright

that glimmers ahead.

I lay in my bed

with this single horn on my forehead.

I am unique amongst all creatures

because of my features.

I stick out like a sore thumb

but I have the ability to hide from

those who want to me to succumb to exposure.

I am a fucking unicorn.

You only hear stories about me 

and here I am writing a poem to some degree.

Truth is, I take vitamins a, b, c and d. 

I am immortal. I am the master key.

You want to be me.

You want to feel free.

My horn represents magic, my reality. 

I am one of a kind,

unreal in this time that’s

filled with lies in the line

of your language.

Let your thoughts define me,

do not find me, 

I am your imagination, a unicorn.

I want a boyfriend who is also my best friend. Someone I can just be comfortable around and not having to get all anxious thus telling myself that he can probably find someone better, prettier, smarter, etc. I want a guy who will be sweet to me…send me letters or flowers. A gentleman but someone who I can be dorky with. Someone who doesn’t rely on partying to make his life more exciting. Someone who won’t be sketchy behind my back. Someone who won’t lie to me. I want all of this because…well, I’ve never had that before.